What is missing?

Every word I say, every action I do is I love you as my wife. This cannot change. It is forever. 

I wonder what I must do to win back your heart. The concern, the security, the care and concern you already experiencing now. What's more that is missing. 

I need to speak up and protect you. I need to stand up for my myself and you. I need to know how to win back your heart. I need to know how to keep your heart to me. 

Bottom line, I still love you forever and ever... I must be the biggest fool on this earth not to let go of you. 

I don't know what you tell me you are not sure if you and her are patch up or not.. then just now when JJ ask you. You can just confidently tell her that both of you are patch up. That moment my mood just sank... don't know if you realise or not... part of it is I am sleepy, major part of it is because of this...

You never once told me that you will take care of me forever... you only say that I must be part of your future...

I don't know if I think too much or not... but I am happy that you actually sit down with me to watch running men. You told me you don't like to watch but on that Sat you choose to watch running men with me. The feeling to do things together with someone that I like... I had that feeling that Sat. Maybe to you maybe just watch becoz no time to watch Tin Tin.. or just simply watch.. but I am happy. Thank you... (that is why I say thank you) I don know how to say these in front of your face... coward me..

The birth of Natsu and Aki

Feel awkward when doing the heart ceremony for the Cow. I was happy for awhile only. I don't know why you wish to have so many things that is similar between us. Close friends also abit over already.


My thinking was the cow is me and the lamb is you. the baby cow is our child. Sound that I am dreaming and living in our own world again. I will treat the lamb well, thinking that lamb is you.

Regrets

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YouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelpingYouarenothelping

如果我不在乎了
你說任何話做任何事
都觸動不了我的神經
你是走在我心門之外的無關之人

... 如果我不在乎了
傷痛就是一種麻木
傷害就是一種冷漠
再多的傷、我都會輕輕地對你說「沒關係」

如果我不在乎了
我可以塵封所有的回憶
想想以後的路怎麼走

可是我做不到
我竟是那麼的在乎你

 5 May 2012, this day is our 2 Years Marriage Anniversary. I wonder if she remember.

有時候
我也覺得自己
似乎固執的過分了
心裡明明知道都過去了
卻仍然要固執的想、固執的說

... 也清楚的知道
有些事情沒有意義
依然要固執的愛、固執的恨

明明知道是錯的
卻仍然固執的堅守

明明感覺很累了
還是要固執的偽裝堅強

我習慣了不該習慣的習慣
卻執着着不該執着的執着

We went out today to do her shopping for her Taiwan trip.

I say to her, "我照顾你一辈子好吗?"
She replied, "Ok."
....
She said, "But we are not together." "Cause I am tired from all this."
I replied,"I know ar. Coz I know I will hunt you if we are together." "Two stubborn people together will just hunt each other."

As said before, I want to be your everything. I have always want to take care of you since the day we are married. Even I am your brother, your close friend and your hubby in name, I will be contented.

我對你的愛從來沒有停止
只是我不再讓別人知道而已

I don't know what is love anymore. I don't how to love you so that I won't hunt you. I only be there for you when you need me and be in your world forever.

I got interest in you when I go Oversea with my family in June 2009. (never tell you this, I actually has a long crush on you)

My love for you started 18 December 2009.
We are married on the 5 May 2010.
We broke up in October 2011.
I got to know she is attached in 17 December 2011.
They broke up on 30 April 2012.
My love for you still never ends........

Why am I still struck in this love for her? putting myself into her world. I can never put her in my friend list.


Every word she say, hurts me....


"Don't bother about me, I already have nothing. Let me do what I want."
"I love her totally"
"You don't understand me."
"What are you like my sister, and her, assuming things, putting word into my mouth?"




Do you know every time you talk to me about you and her... my heart is bleeding... every time you tell me that you treat me as a friend only.... my heart went dead....




I am lying to myself by asking myself this question..... forcing myself to believe that I have doubt...
Did I ever love you or my heart is just soft for you....


Do you know when I know that I am not the one to solve your deepest love problem... my tears start to run.


I feel that even you read all these, there is nothing going to happened. I learn from you. No point telling, Nothing will change.