My choice?

I choose pie.

One more day :)

메리 크리스마스 이브

Drama time

Finally found a site to watch this show :)

Endlessly walking

Endlessly walking around.. Seeing the decoration and listening to the Xmas songs... This is how I spend my weekend without you around...

Body ache for few days...
Headache on and off..

Emotion

Every emotion you have affect me.. When I ask if you are ok, you reply ya.. But your tweets say other wise..

Hope I am still your listening ear.. Someone you can trust just to tell your story to.

Awkward

The awkward moment when you don't know how to talk to me...

:/

Just a weird feeling today

Rest

I don't mind you ignore me to get your work done.
I don't mind you just reply me with just one word when you are busy
I just only want you to quickly finish your work, so that you can have a good rest.

Hide

Three times you ask me..
"You take the heat pack for me ar?"
And other two I cannot rmb..

Wonder why I cannot just say "ya. It is for you."

Why I must beat around the bush and don't admit...

Bad headache

Having a bad headache after 8 hours of sleep when I am back from a cold country... Is my brain frozen??

Upset

Upset that you no longer are feeling upset when you see that I am texting other people...

Upset that you only care for me as a friend.

Upset ....

Water

Water that cannot be return after pour out.

Use a cloth and wipe the water up. Twist all the clothing and cloth...

There... The water is back..

:(

Waiting for you SMS is like one of the worst time of my life

Little child in me

Sometime be a child and let you smile and laugh is a greatest joy in my life ;)

Getting your concern and dote... I like.

Nightmare

I dreamt that you ignore me totally.. Sad...

Delicious vegetarian burger

This is very delicious!!!

Happy 21st Birthday 12/12/12

Hello Hui Ru,

Xadrian here. Wish you a happy 21st birthday and many more happy birthdays to come.

Do smile more.
Do laugh more.
Do dream more.

Just want to say that you still bring sunshine to my life. No matter what you are still my first love. And still hope that you are my last love. 2, 5, 10 years later, I do not know what will happened.

Till now I cannot find anyone as perfect as you.
You are irreplaceable in my heart
My heart is still waiting. For how many years, I do not know. I know it is a fruitless wait... But for now I follow my heart. And my heart tell me that I love you.

Sorry that I have hurt you
Sorry that I have ignore you
Sorry that I make you feel tired of me
Sorry that I have lie to you
Sorry that I have left you

I understand that you have make yourselves very clear to me, that both of us are over. But you cannot stop me from loving you, doting on you, take care of you, concern of you. And I know my actions are unacceptable.

I did not have any surprise for you. Just my true feeling for you.

Your always,
Xadrian

11 December

I had a dream.. I wish it come true..

Because the dream is Fuyu and Haru got back together as couple. And they live happy ever.


My poly group has break up.. In this dream, they met and talk to each other again..

Eggie

A lot of things happened

What things?

Impress

I am impressed by your little cleverness.

I was tie-ing my shoelaces and start to recall how you tie ribbon.. And many other little tricks.

Cash

It feel damn good to be loaded with cash

:(

If you know me well enough, you most likely would check if I post anything here after today.

Heartache...
I love you...
Sorry...

You can don't believe me...
No word can describe how much I love you... But I will just be your best friend as you want..

Delicious

One of my fav vegetarian food ;)

Hehe

Good movie

Want to get this

To make the bed clean

Travel

I saw this.. At once I thought we buy the same luggage for our future plan..

:)

Weather or not it was intention or not intention that you accompany till this late.. Thank you.

With you around, my sickness is getting better.

Leave

Don't leave me forever..
No matter how hurt I am, don't leave me....

evil

why you sound like even if you are single again, I have zero chance with you to start a new.
why..........

why you cannot love me again...
why...........

useless

What if I tell I can never forget what happened between us since the day we confess to each other.

What if I am lying to myself if I tell you that I will move on.

What if I can never treat you as just a friend.

Will you leave me?

I always miss the train...

I went to London and leave you alone.

I did not go home immediately when you told me so.

No matter what I say and what I do is all useless now.

robot talk

Till this day

......

What is unfairness?

M: I will if it leads to a solution.
If there is no solution, why burden others with your problem?

F: My legs are numb, take a walk with me. but keep your eyes closed.

Come on, try convincing yourself that others will help you before deciding what's fair and what's is not

I can't tell you what fair is. But I know what is means to be unfair.

You have this illness, heaven is not being fair to you.

People worries about you, but you won't give them a chance to help you. You are not being fair to them. You say that's because others don't have the solution. So you won't trouble them with your problem.
But if you won't tell others, how will they ever learn about your problems?

How can you be so sure they don't have the solution. Is it being fair to them? learn to accept others' help. Entrust yourself to others. It doesn't make you weak. By giving others the chance to help you. You are enabling them to feel great.

Me: What were you thinking when you see this scene? What were you thinking that night?

The purpose of this blog

Why I created this blog?

- I am not able to say out my feeling to you face to face.
- When I want to say, it is always not the correct time. (you will be tired and sleep, even though you say you heard, but the next morning you will forget and ask me to repeat. By then I have no feel to tell you [Just like you, I go by feel also])
- sometime when things are said... things will be angry/unhappy.

Your tweet

Saw your tweet about your empty finger... I so wish your fouth finger on your left hand carry our wedding ring. Or a new ring of our own to start anew...

going back

Give up and go back

Stupid...

Maybe I should care less, so that I will be less angry.

When I see that you use the paranoid camera with someone that I hate... I am angry. I buy that camera for us to create memories.. not for you to create memories with her. (after you read this, you sure return the camera to me, and not use it.)

Now I wonder. what other things that I buy for you, you go and share with her. I hate it. I am the most stupidest person in the whole wide world.

You and her are not the same as before. You waiting for a chance to leave her. I say you just finding excuse. If you really want to leave, you just leave.. you do not wait for a chance.

I am sick, MC today..

Even you do not know. You did not even sms me, call me even once. I start to wonder unless I sms you first then you will entertain me. If not, I just someone whom you seek only when you need help or need something.

I said all my feeling to you. I know it is only one sided. It is my willingness. You will never never come back to me. Maybe you are right. If the day that you agree to come back to me, I would have say no...

As much as you don't like me to contact my ex. I expect you also not to contact your ex too.

I am starting to feel maybe I should reject my feeling for you is for the better. You will agree with me. After all this is just a dream of impossible. A dream of only my world.

You never believe that Promise are might to be broken...but.. you broke our marriage vow.

I never believe in friendship... till today... I still do not believe. Everyone around me, including you, teach me this point. In the end... I am still on my own till I die.

Still, I must thank you for everything, the joy, the laughter, the tears, the hate you gave to me. Thank you.

So you still think that every words I said is blaming you? Up to you to believe or not. I am not. I am just saying out my feeling.

10 Sept

Wish that we can be like this everyday, making you laugh everyday. making you happy every second.

Love Pt 10

愛一個人要互相信任
愛一個人要互相理解
愛一個人要心胸寬闊
愛一個人要坦誠相待
愛一個人要付出一切

愛一個人不要互相埋怨對方
愛一個人要多多用心去包容
愛一個人要放下自己的尊嚴

愛一個人要在背後多給予支持鼓勵
愛一個人要尊重對方的思想和主見
愛一個人要有勇氣去承擔風風雨雨

Love Pt 9

女孩 你要找一個什麼樣的男人?
一個窮人 只有一百塊但願意給你一百塊
一個富人 有十萬塊卻只願意給你一百塊
都是一百塊 而這兩者的價值可以比較麼?

不是看一個人有多少 而是看一個人能給你多少
不是看一個人有多好 而是看他對你多好
找個真正對你好的男人 才是最重要的

Holding Hand

After I post Love Pt 8. something happened. we hold hand. even though it is to warm your hands. I am happy. Maybe I think too much, it could just be a coincident. But part of me wish is you let me hold your hand because you read Love Pt 8.. Hahaha.. my wishing thoughts.

Are you really happy? I feel that you are putting on the tough front. you keep smiling, and be happy. I hope you are really happy. [Sense it on Friday at cityspace. You like smiling but you have problem in your head.] You never share what is your inner feeling, I would not know. You know I am that slow in sensing this stuff. I only want that I can bring you happiness everyday.

Memory 1
You tried to be blind. I be your eyes.

Memory 2
We were teasing each other at the back of the taxi



* I daydream that all things has been clear up and you tell me that to be together again. Hahaha... daydreaming always...*

*I know I have hurt you badly. I lie to you.. it is my biggest mistake. You have all the reason not to be together with me. No matter what I do, I cannot have your 100% forgiveness..*

*My life has you. I don't know what will happened if you are missing from my life. I cannot live without your existence already.*

19 Aug

所謂死黨：

就是那種
今天吵 明天笑
近了煩 遠了想

不見時掛念 見了時討厭
自己能欺負 別人不能欺負的奇怪東西

The pick girl is YOU! haha.. 

Happy to see your sms. and ya.. of all time you sick again. take care la. You body is weak de lor. Better wear thicker clothes. cover your neck and ear.. these area are the most easier to catch cold de. 

Happy to see that you wear the puzzle necklace. Hope it give you have the security feeling and sleep well at night. 

Always looking at my phone, waiting for your sms. :D

18 Aug

You ask me if I am angry... there is no anger inside.. just disappointment. Not blaming you coz you want piracy yet I force myself into your peace.

You are honest to me that you want to be alone, despite that I am already sitten there. You ask to loan $20, despite that you ask me to leave. You ask me if I will go home or wait for you. My answer was uncertain cause you will have the sudden feel to want to go home yourself. But knowing me, do you think I won't wait for you?

You said to give your time of alone, then you tell me what happened when you are ready. My brain just register... not again.. will you ready tell me in the end? Or am I the one to ask you then you remember? Or you will just totally forget what happened... Somemore, you are going away.. by the time you are back.. will you tell me?

As I left and wait for the lift. I got jealous.. Do you want to talk to Mathews? I told myself not to think this way.. you really are stress and need some time off.

I waited at the lobby, waiting for your call half asleep. You call. I did not catch your first line, I guess it something like where I am or have I gone home. You then tell me that Mathews want to fetch you home. I am disappointment once more. (telling myself.. who ask you to wait for her. see la you make yourselves disspointed) Then I tell you to refuse his offer and said that someone will fetch you home. But your reply is you will sit his car home.

My heart just die. (coz I am just stupid....) I took my stuff and get on a taxi and went home. I got angry. Am I your friend? I already said to refuse his offer and I will fetch you home, yet you cannot say 'No' to Mathew. You were angry with me many times becoz I cannot say No to other. Now you yourselves is the same. Ya. the car is more comfortable then the taxi, Ya he is Mathew. the man you want to marry. Of coz you seek all opportunity to talk to him, to have fun with him. Seriously, how you treat Mathew is how you treat me last time. When you like someone, you tend to disturb him. You techique never change. I hope you wont sink yourselves in falling too deeply in love with him. It is another forbidden love. You know it.

I just disappointed to know that this was how the friday is spend. You ask that person leave, loan $20, then finally ask that person to go home alone, coz you cannot refuse another person offer of a ride home. I only can blame myself that I am the one asking for it.. coz you never once did ask me to wait for you. You only ask me to buy book, find shoe, and go home.

Are you saying I am not considering that you are stress. Are you saying that I do not understand you? I hear from you alot. It is no suprise that you will think this way after you read the previous paragraph. If I have mistaken anything, I wonder will you explain to me... or you just lazy to do so.

You know very well my feeling for you. The moment you said seventh months is coming and you always have to go home very late. That is why I die die want to send you home.  I don't know how much did you hear that night. coz you always sleep when I talk. even you listen, you will forget the next morning.

Yes. I am worry about you. I want you to sms me at least three times per day when you are in Malaysia. I know I will be waiting and even disppointed. But no choice as you will be busy with duty and then will be tired. Just take care of yourselves and eat enough and drink enough.

By saying all this in the blog.. will our friendship die faster......

super slow me

I finally finally feel why you want a car, why you want a house. and finally understands why you say that if I got a car, I can score marks. I really S.L.O.W

But really.. I have no money to buy my dream car... and an alternative car I wanted... suddenly raise $13,000.. wtf.. And family will sure nag at me on why I buy a car at this time when it is so expensive. Recession come faster la.. haiz..  

15 Aug

Sorry if I have hurt your feeling last night... of saying nosenses on the phone last night...

The funny way of saying is... You said," I own you alot and forever." So now I am paying back my debt. by sticking on to you, help you in everything.

The serious way of saying is... I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be unhappy. Anything that make you unhappy, I will block it. (not saying that I am going to be over-protective. I still want you to be independant, but can dependant on me)

You got money issue, I will support you financially. I always sacred that I will spolit you. But I am wrong and give slap myself for thinking this way. I should trust you.

any relationship is built on trust. That night you say I do not trust you when I tried to be blind. I did alot of thinking after that. Slap myself really. I have not trust you 100%. That is why I thinking so negative everyday. Of coz, I do not know where this will end up to be. But before anything and everything, I must trust you totally. It is not just say only, I must work on my actions.

Now that I return the ATM card to you. Please eat and drink enough. Do not worry about money to pay your production shoot, your phone bills. [but you really need to sleep well and wake up on time, Your laziness really really too much ar] I really really just want you to stay healthy and eat well. Do not be trouble and then neglect your health. Going back to the funny way of saying, "我欠你一辈子。" 你就让我还债。

12 Aug

Wonder if u have heard what I say that friday night... Or u forgetten again... Why will u hear fully and remember what I said?...

Love Pt 8

在一起 很簡單
一輩子 不簡單

一個人走不如兩個人走
兩個人走不如手牽著手

[when will we hold hand together again]
[I want to hold your hand and be always within your sight]

12 Aug

got you something for your dinner and eat together on your way home. mission fail. LOL.. guess having a car is good sometimes.

I was thinking (in the car) that you are trying very hard to make the atmosphere relax from the time M and A came over and fetch us. I tot A got car, that y you ask her to fetch you. Somehow everyone just weird weird de... Don't know y..

Seriously, we could have stay abit longer. A also hinted in the car that we should stay abit longer. No matter what it is still not appropriate to leave. (while some more, she waited for us to cut the cake) [just saying my view, totally am feeling bad toward her, after all she came for my birthday dinner.] [wonder why she is into teaching too.] Don't know why end up we leave at 11pm. (unless M has to go already)

If you read this after midnight, off your device after reading this and go and sleep. Good night and sleep well.

What I want.

See you every day

See you smile

Hear your laughter

See you dance

Share your happiness

Share your burden and problem

and another chance which I have no confident to ask for, cox I am afraid of losing you forever.

crazy le

I just cannot bring myself out to say what I am really thinking. I know if I did I will be screaming and crying out loud. i am forceful myself to stay calm. I do not want my parents to ask me what is wrong with me? the problem with me is not about loving you. the problem is I am afraid to lose you. I am crazy.

I already lost you before. I don't want to lose you again. But I don't know how to keep you.  I don't know how to treasure you. Every step I made, I think a lot is this is correct or this is wrong. Will you be distancing me away? I keep telling myself that we are busy. that is why no time. But I know I want to make time for you, and if possible all my time. This morning, I really wanted to ask for some hours off and bring you to see doctor for your eyes. But what excuses can I say? that my mother is sick, need to see doctor, while I need to take care of my grandparents at home? You know I was already warn that leave is only to settle for family  and personal and not for friends.. Coz 1 day I decided to be honest and tell them my friend need my help, so I want to take leave. the next moment even it was approved, I immediately was told that leave is only for family and personal. How I WISH I can say, "I need to take leave to take my girlfriend to hospital." CAN I? I CAN'T!

About the money, sometime you just call me to borrow money, I admit I felt that beside you call to borrow money, what else do you call me for? You hate money coz you need money. I hate money becoz is that the thing why you will call me? I really don't mind spending money on you. I willingly. That is why I give you my ATM card so that I won't receive call from you to ask borrow money. I just want us to talk like we used to be. But I know one of your problem is money, I want to solve it for you.

You keep saying I am different. What I promised before seem like I am not doing them. I am tired le. almost every night I cry to sleep. whenever I think of you, my heart pain. when ever after a phone call from you, my heart sunk after a happy talk with you. but it sink even more if we end quarreling. I don't want to quarrel with you. I remember your wish with the cow and lamb. "be happy and don't quarrel" That is what I am doing. You want me to scold you, how can when all I want to do is to hug u, sayang u be at your side in all your bad journey. You tell everyone that I am the only one who dote on you. So I keep to your expectation. I lose you before becoz I did not meet to your expectation. So now I am trying to.

Even how much I am tired of loving you yet knowingly I cannot love you/I cannot have you to myself only. do I give up? in the end I just come after you. go find you, call you back. Do you know how much it mean to me to see you smile. I just want to see that smile always on your face.

You want peace. I will be your peacemaker. coz I remember I say to you I want to be your everything.

No matter what I do, you still with someone. you still love someone else. you don't want to tell me what happened.. make me what can I tell you.. anyway my life is so boring.. there is nothing to tell you. what you need to know, you already know. You know I treasure you more then anything. Yet you are not mine totally.   I am selfish. I don't share.

I own you meh.. I tot your tummy is mine. your everything is mine. my everything is your.

who ever is guilty of not telling each other stuff. Both are guilty.

Maybe you may feel gross out of what... even how much I like Taeyeon.. You are my Taeyeon.

第一次对莫个人
产生想要保护的那份心情
第一次对莫个人
盼望她每一天的身影
第一次
一直等待着她的SMS和来电

Burden

I don't want to be your additional burden.. I keep quiet. I don't want to argue with u. I try to make our conversation happy and care free. But I know I am useless. Coz I am not funny, I don't make funny faces, tell funny jokes, make stupid sound to make u happy. I only can keep quiet and be beside u. U know how afraid I am if one day u tell me that being with me is useless, a waste of time coz I just keep quiet and not helping u in anything. Even I am beside u also useless...

Wonder what movie u watch just now. I want to ask but I foresee u say y I got so many questions or a movie that we agree to watch yet u watch with your friends. It is not about going twice.. Is about "have u forgotten me"


Childish me

useless...

feel totally useless...

smile

Do you know when you put a :) in your sms.. I feel like heaven.. coz it take a million to see your smile.

irritated

getting irritated that you and your friends is having 24/7 discussion over project. Can't you all be more organized and be more aware of personal space? It is like everything must say and talk about immediately. It is weekend. Give u a break la. Go school and discuss la. WTF la. I wonder how can you all survive when there is no such thing as handphone and sms. The convenient of technology has really make people less discipline, more lazy and disorganized. OR rather can you and your friends make clear what is work time and rest time?

You always press me to tell you everything... and when I press you to tell me something. You always "win" with "I don't want to say, Don't force me to do something I don't like." Win le la.

Do you know that u make me know what is hate? Because of you, I hate you know who. Seriously you and that person will never end. stop bullshiting about break up and stuff. you guys still sms each other. Ya I have no right to stop you to meet, sms, talk to that person. And you have no right to stop me talking to whoever I want. Please la. You can make me promise but you can never promise me what I want from you. Talk about being fair. HAHA.

I don't know what are you thinking. You want to stay with me, you treat me as family, you said you still like me. BUT I AM ONLY YOUR FRIEND. You are the one who make this happened. you make me your friend. But why we are not behaving like one. WHY!

I may look normal on the outside but I am crazy inside my head. I am getting more irritated easily. I cannot stand not knowing what is going on. I hate it. I never felt so useless. Your rudeness, Your temper, Your laziness. How the hell I can tolerate your nonsense? In this whole wild world, why did I let myself to be bully by you mentally and physically?

I am really tired liking you already. it is just draining me off. mentally, physically and financially too. I cannot keep up with your expenses. Do you know that ever since we are together, I spend over 40K. How do you suppose I can buy a car with your high maintenance expense? I am really piss off with you for wasting $99+$50 for the korean class. It is too much already. you skip one - you are sick, 2nd - becoz of her, 3rd - becoz you are tired from school work. and now you want to learn K-pop. If you skip any of the classes, you pay for the fee yourselves. You say people waste $6k on that piece of wall, You also waste money on cab, which also can match that amount already.

28 Jul

It has been a week ago that I update my blog... and it been 4 days that we did not meet.

guess your days will be busier with the coming exhibition and assignments. it will be tiring. take care of your health ok? our timing will crash somehow.. I wont be around you so often then before.. only can sms you to eat your meal and drink water. and say good morning and good night. Even if we do meet, our time is short. I wonder when our next date will be.

Take care :)

21 Jul

Think back... yup.. I should think in your shoe... the 'can't let go' and 'fear of alone' situation you are in. I should have keep my cool just now.

Don't know if I hear wrongly, but I heard you said, "Don't you are happy that I bought a new ring?" (Do you remember?) At least my heart is not boiling whenever I see that other ring. cause you said that ring keep hurting you.

hope that you can think before you skip any more event and classes. (your family one) It is not like you to do that.

One things about you is... you said, "call you back later." but you often forget to call back. Haiz... keep me waiting always.

What was I thinking?

I don't like you to meet her, talk to her or do anything with her. I don't want you to tell her anything about us, but I want to know everything about you. sound very selfish right? I am.

Emo?

I wrote so many negative tots in this blog. at the end of the day, I don't want your pitiful love.

You told me you will wear my ring forever even if you have to wear it around your neck. Because it give you security. Until today, when did you even wear it around your neck. If one person want to do something, she/he will put it all effort to get it done. You just keep it in the box.  

Then one day, you ask me if we should get a friendship ring. Cause you are used to wear a ring on your another hand. your request spear my heart deeply. I don't what is your inner intention. Maybe you just want a ring.

You goes around to tell my colleague that we are best friends. My heart pain again. But I take it as a cover to explain why we are always seen together. Cause we did not let them know about our past.

You ask me how come I never give you a heart necklace. I reply, "I will, only if I have your official boyfriend."

The stardom game:
You tell me that Cyn and Josh is engaged. I was puzzle cause you said that you only date A-list star. You reply that. "You give Josh chance earlier." and you know what, "For a moment, I was damm happy that are you hinting me that you are giving me chance earlier?" but then again, I tell myself, "dream on"

The very first gift I want to give you when Josh is your boyfriend is the heart-shape necklace. Keeping my words even in games. But you reply you don't like the necklace.... my heart pain again.

Sound like my heart pain every day. Is my heart tired? It is..... It is still beating for you.

wait

Sometime, I wish someone can tell me what should I do to let you love me again.

Hope we will quarrel less and make more happy memories.

My bad to make you feel that I am forceful to you. I am really lost. lost in love, lost to love.

Inner Feelings

I really really don't like you to talk to her, sms her, meet up with her. You told you that you already hardly talk to her, meet up with her etc. But that is not enough for me. I want you to totally cut off with her.

That is my selfish request.

I am very selfish too. I want you to have only me, your only one. No body else between the two of us. Or are you going to tell me, "You don't have to wait for me. I am not worth it. This is me, take it or leave it. I still love her. I cannot let her go " All this is just fucking bullshit to me...

As much as you cannot tolerate my internet friends, I also cannot tolerate her. Since last year, right from the start, I already cannot tolerate her. 


You ask me, "Do you think me and her are still together meh?" . In my head I am thinking, "You have not let her go, you are still wearing the ring. you still love her." Why would you said it as a question? This mean you are not certain. Can't you just tell me straight that you and her are officially break up?

3 hours

希望我们的关系可以简简单单的开心。

I am angry when you use threatening words and "fuck" and "I hate you" But I don't know why I went to change clothes. and then I ly on my bed for awhile to cool down. I ask myself, what is wrong with you? Something must have happened.

5 min later, I was out and got into a cab to your house. My brain is asking me, "are you stupid?" "How can you stand her temper?" "She keep throwing her anger." "Are you really happy like this?" "Is this is what you really want?" Honestly, I have no answer. I just want to be at her side, I just want to see her. Other then that,  my mind is blank.

Mid way to your house, we talk on the phone. When you know that I am already on the way to your house, you suddenly break down. I wish I have you in my arm at that point of time. Although I am of no help to you and your family.


我不要你不开心

I don't want when the day come when I start to loose control or even hating you. Before that happen, I tell myself not to love you as much as before. I don't want to force onto you. People said, "No matter how much you love a person, if the person does not love you, you have to let her go to find her own happiness." And I tell myself, "No matter what, you will not love me again. Cause I have no confidence to make you love me again." "My existence will only be like a family bond. It is not a love bond." "A family member that is important in your life. but not a love bond that I wish to have with you." I will get used to it. I will... for you.... I will stop loving you as much as I want to love you.

Thank you for coming to my house, despite that you have to rush to eat with your family later. I want to tell you not to come, but I want to see you. And I don't want to quarrel with you and make you piss off. I getting to have less comments with you. I don't know what to say so that we will not be quarreling and be not happy about.

I don't have any high hope that we going to watch all the running man, we got married epi. With our busy schedule and limit time spend together, and our mood swing, I have low expectation of us and what we say that we want to do together. The energy between us is low. Sometimes, when you tell me that you are going out to watch movie with your friends at such a late hours, I was telling to myself, since when she can or want to come out so late at night. Most the times is family do not allow, another reason is you are tired or lazy to go out. I am kind of jealous of your friends. Silly me.

In short, I have no confidence at all to love you and give you forever happiness and 100% trust in me. I have no confidence that you will love me any more.

Sometimes, I went crazy and thoughts of crazy stuff. such as must I die or get into serious accident? Now is problem is you don't love me. You only treat me as one of your family member or a close friend. Will the day come that I am just your elder brother...

My words still stands,"Do you allow me to take care of you forever?"

I am not expecting that you going to feel anything after reading this... no expectation is better for you and me.

习惯

没有心痛的感觉， 
没有流泪的冲动，
我已经习惯，
你不爱我的事实。
习惯你对我的好，
也只是朋友的关心。

Love Pt 7

有沒有經歷過
等短信等到睡著
被吵醒後不但不生氣
反而是滿滿的幸福 ♡


(very true)

我真的好想你/妳 ! ♡

(everyday feeling)

我想要的未來
兩個人在一起
再養隻小寵物


(moo moo)

「Hj Story 愛情故事分享」

圖文完整版相冊 (『 愛情、心語、分享 』網頁 )
⇨ http://goo.gl/DHpHC ⇦

She know now

Now she know about this blog. Does that going to change what I want to write in this blog? I hope not. What other surprise things I can do?

Yesterday go Korean class with her. It is like a dream come true. I always tot what if we are classmate. Haha. Now we are. And like those Taiwan/Korean drama, classmate lover.. I know I know. stupid thinking. day dreaming. Hoping can do homework, revision with her.

Remember I ask her to do homework for me? It is like those Taiwan/Korean drama. The guy is lazy, and then the girl help to do homework for the guy so that he will not be punished by teacher. Hahaha. That is why I ask her to do my homework. Me just day dreaming.

Got to remember the vowels and consonants. I try to converse with her in Korean. Haha. want to try "Hello" in Korean but I don't know how to type.

I am going to sleep. Don't think can hear your voice to sleep. Thank you for calling me yesterday.

Love Pt 6

幸福是愛 是喜歡 是習慣 是離不開
幸福就是擁有一個你離不開他/她
他/她也離不開你的人 …… ♡


(can I?)

當你站在你喜歡的人面前 你只感到開心　
當你站在你愛的人面前 你的心跳會加速

當你與你喜歡的人四目交投 你只會微笑
當你與你愛的人四目交投 你會害羞
　
當你和你喜歡的人對話時 你可以暢所欲言
當你和你愛的人對話時 你覺得難以啟齒

(happen most of the time)

吵架吵不過女生的男生 都是好男生 ♡

(this is so me)

不必承諾對我說永遠
只需愛我一天又一天

我不需要你有多完美
只需要你能讓我感覺到：我就是唯一 ♡

 

兩個人在一起久了
父母管不下來的習慣
會因為她的一聲哼 而改正 ♡

(this is ... hehe)

當你愛上一個人 …… ♡
總是會迫切的想要見到他/她

(This is the feeling I have everyday.)

有的人說不清哪裡好
但就是誰都替代不了

(You are irreplaceable. This is the reason why I wait, why I came back to you)

5 Jul

Just feel that she is very encouraging then usual. I always want she to be supporting to what I am doing. And today she say to me concern and encouraging words. She know what, I was asking myself am I dreaming? Usually she will reply me in a cool tone. Or usually she will be piss off. Or maybe I am thinking too much. She is just to sick to be piss off. But anyway thanks u for your encouraging words. Really appreciate. U Now that she know about this blog. I want to be with her when she is looking at te blog.

I miss her

Yesterday night I keep telling her I miss her, I like her. I really do.

Her little action of just making little video recording of herself. It is really sweet. I would not know to do that. Kind of brainless me, don't know how to to make people feel sweet. I need more actions to let her know I want her whole heart. Although she did smile when I say I like her and I want her whole heart. But I need to prove to her.

Jia You ba. Woodblock.

Love Pt 5

愛 是相互依靠 是同舟共濟 ♡
愛 是有福同享 是有難同當 ♡

愛情會讓人變傻 變幼稚 …
聰明不會感動人 傻才會 ♡

愛不是一個人的事
是兩個人的努力
是兩個人的奮鬥
是兩個人的共同創造

世界上最動聽的情話
不是：「我愛你」
而是在我最脆弱的時候
你說：「有我在」♡

記得我們的紀念日
記得我們所有經歷的日子
記得我們所有走過的日子
每天你都是我最愛的樣子

當我們真正愛上了一個人
是百分之百 是無時無刻
都在想念著他/她 …… ♡

 

愛一個人是 …… ♡
即使不能幫你承擔所有傷害
也絕不讓你獨自一個人承受

 

等待一個人的簡訊
等待一個人的電話

等待能是一種幸福
等待能是一種煎熬

愛是守候
愛是付出

愛是彼此陪伴
愛是互相照料

She tell me that I should tell her everything. Yet I did not tell her about this blog. Y? I need a channel to talk out my feeling. I don't know how to start to talk to her about my feeling. She is right. Every time I want to talk my feelings, the atmosphere is so serious. And once break, I do not want to talk anymore.

I wonder how can I tell her about my feeling. I want to tell her, but things just make me cannot talk to her. Is it of the following reason?

- I do not like to tell her my story, cause it is usually show that I am weak, useless, cannot say, "no" person. Every unhappiness I have, I hide. I don't want to show you my weakness. I said that I protect you always. How can someone who is weak protect you. 

- I don't like to be label as useless, nice to be bullied, cannot stand up for myself... but I know I am useless, nice to be bullied and cannot stand up for myself.

She told me that I did not speak for her. with JJ or my boss. 

She said that my words will get her into more trouble. 

She ask why I did not say no to other people need.

- And yes. Every time I want to talk. She just got things to shut me up. Guess I need to learn when to talk and not to talk. My judgment of timing is always at the wrong time. 

By starting this blog, it is a channel to write out how I feel. I don't know should I tell her about this blog. wait after she read all this then she got things to shoot me back or totally no reaction at all. Sometime, all I want from her is encouragement to live on as myself - an useless and helpless person. 

Just like you, I need your support. maybe that is why I cannot bring myself to rely on you too much. Although I trying to rely on you, telling you everything, putting you involve in my life. 

Guess your support is telling me off, cause most of my decision is against your wish...  

30 July

Dear Matsuo,

I am worry. The moment she sms me that she need the money to pay for drinks, my mind went worry mode. She is now in the state of bad mood. Will she drink too much? And her health, she is not suppose to drink. I hope I have mistaken her word, "drink" as just drinking non-alcohol drinks.

I have to stay calm. She don't like to be controlled. She is someone who can think. I must give her freedom. Argh... why there is no sms from her. Her one word reply is either she has no mood to talk or she is busy to talk.

Whole day I am thinking about her. Now I am worrying about her. Should I call her? or leave her alone? I wish I can fly to her down and bring her home. I remember that if I have a car, she will listen to me as and when I want her to be home. Argh... wish I have a car now and bring her home.

Suddenly all her words she say about sleeping forever and not waking up, that she is very tired and want to give up.

Please let her be home safe and not so late. I am waiting for her call...

I seem to have no mood to do anything... only waiting for her call.... If I call her and then piss her off then she is not happy. Argh...

Sign off,
Fuyu

Love Pt 4

有時候面對心愛的人流淚
會驚慌得不知所措 …… ♡
[This is really what I feel every time you tears]

讓一個人變強大的方式 …
就是擁有一個想要保護的人

 

[This is what I want to be]

愛是當她知道我有需要時她會馬上出現 ♡
就好像她需要的時候我也一定會站出來 ♡

 

[This is what I have to work on]

愛一個人是全心全意的投入
疼一個人是無怨無悔的付出

世間上最美好的愛戀
是為一個人付出時的勇敢
即使因此被傷得體無完膚
也無怨無怨 …… ♡

有沒有經歷過 ……
每次有簡訊聲時抱著美好的期待
結果收到的卻只是一封垃圾簡訊