She tell me that I should tell her everything. Yet I did not tell her about this blog. Y? I need a channel to talk out my feeling. I don't know how to start to talk to her about my feeling. She is right. Every time I want to talk my feelings, the atmosphere is so serious. And once break, I do not want to talk anymore.

I wonder how can I tell her about my feeling. I want to tell her, but things just make me cannot talk to her. Is it of the following reason?

- I do not like to tell her my story, cause it is usually show that I am weak, useless, cannot say, "no" person. Every unhappiness I have, I hide. I don't want to show you my weakness. I said that I protect you always. How can someone who is weak protect you. 

- I don't like to be label as useless, nice to be bullied, cannot stand up for myself... but I know I am useless, nice to be bullied and cannot stand up for myself.

She told me that I did not speak for her. with JJ or my boss. 

She said that my words will get her into more trouble. 

She ask why I did not say no to other people need.

- And yes. Every time I want to talk. She just got things to shut me up. Guess I need to learn when to talk and not to talk. My judgment of timing is always at the wrong time. 

By starting this blog, it is a channel to write out how I feel. I don't know should I tell her about this blog. wait after she read all this then she got things to shoot me back or totally no reaction at all. Sometime, all I want from her is encouragement to live on as myself - an useless and helpless person. 

Just like you, I need your support. maybe that is why I cannot bring myself to rely on you too much. Although I trying to rely on you, telling you everything, putting you involve in my life. 

Guess your support is telling me off, cause most of my decision is against your wish...