crazy le

I just cannot bring myself out to say what I am really thinking. I know if I did I will be screaming and crying out loud. i am forceful myself to stay calm. I do not want my parents to ask me what is wrong with me? the problem with me is not about loving you. the problem is I am afraid to lose you. I am crazy.

I already lost you before. I don't want to lose you again. But I don't know how to keep you.  I don't know how to treasure you. Every step I made, I think a lot is this is correct or this is wrong. Will you be distancing me away? I keep telling myself that we are busy. that is why no time. But I know I want to make time for you, and if possible all my time. This morning, I really wanted to ask for some hours off and bring you to see doctor for your eyes. But what excuses can I say? that my mother is sick, need to see doctor, while I need to take care of my grandparents at home? You know I was already warn that leave is only to settle for family  and personal and not for friends.. Coz 1 day I decided to be honest and tell them my friend need my help, so I want to take leave. the next moment even it was approved, I immediately was told that leave is only for family and personal. How I WISH I can say, "I need to take leave to take my girlfriend to hospital." CAN I? I CAN'T!

About the money, sometime you just call me to borrow money, I admit I felt that beside you call to borrow money, what else do you call me for? You hate money coz you need money. I hate money becoz is that the thing why you will call me? I really don't mind spending money on you. I willingly. That is why I give you my ATM card so that I won't receive call from you to ask borrow money. I just want us to talk like we used to be. But I know one of your problem is money, I want to solve it for you.

You keep saying I am different. What I promised before seem like I am not doing them. I am tired le. almost every night I cry to sleep. whenever I think of you, my heart pain. when ever after a phone call from you, my heart sunk after a happy talk with you. but it sink even more if we end quarreling. I don't want to quarrel with you. I remember your wish with the cow and lamb. "be happy and don't quarrel" That is what I am doing. You want me to scold you, how can when all I want to do is to hug u, sayang u be at your side in all your bad journey. You tell everyone that I am the only one who dote on you. So I keep to your expectation. I lose you before becoz I did not meet to your expectation. So now I am trying to.

Even how much I am tired of loving you yet knowingly I cannot love you/I cannot have you to myself only. do I give up? in the end I just come after you. go find you, call you back. Do you know how much it mean to me to see you smile. I just want to see that smile always on your face.

You want peace. I will be your peacemaker. coz I remember I say to you I want to be your everything.

No matter what I do, you still with someone. you still love someone else. you don't want to tell me what happened.. make me what can I tell you.. anyway my life is so boring.. there is nothing to tell you. what you need to know, you already know. You know I treasure you more then anything. Yet you are not mine totally.   I am selfish. I don't share.

I own you meh.. I tot your tummy is mine. your everything is mine. my everything is your.

who ever is guilty of not telling each other stuff. Both are guilty.

Maybe you may feel gross out of what... even how much I like Taeyeon.. You are my Taeyeon.

第一次对莫个人
产生想要保护的那份心情
第一次对莫个人
盼望她每一天的身影
第一次
一直等待着她的SMS和来电